The Story:
Picking up from Monday’s post, a new and unforeseen issue had arisen. After receiving news that my uncle had found part of my biological family, I realized that I had the task of informing my adoptive family. Now, don’t be fooled by what might be misconstrued as a very straightforward solution to this problem. In reality, it would have been very easy to misspeak, and deeply injure the relationship between my adoptive family and myself.
Thankfully, my adoptive family was quite enthusiastic when they heard the news. My mom and dad were the first to be told, of course. Both seemed to be quite relieved that there had been a positive outcome to my initial search. Next, I told my brother and sister. I felt it would be better to inform them via e-mail, as a group, so that there could be an open discussion. I laid out the whole story for them, and then sat back and waited for responses.
Only minutes later, my sister wrote back. The first word of her first sentence was “Wow.” Of course, she wanted to know more, but all of the information I had was already placed in the original e-mail. I told them all that they should disseminate my news to the rest of the family as they saw fit. What could possibly have been a very painful situation turned out to be very positive.
The Emotions:
Obviously, it was a bit nerve-wracking to tell the immediate members of my adoptive family about my uncle’s findings. Simply put, I did not want anyone to feel as if they were being replaced. Of course, it was a huge weight off my shoulders when everyone responded with such approval. I felt truly blessed that I had been given the opportunity to potentially bring together two wonderful families.
The Advice:
Here’s the thing folks, it would be completely ignorant of me to say that only positive things can come out of a situation like that. There’s a saying that goes something like “family is family.” However, that statement fails to recognize the complexities within familial relationships. My adoptive family could easily have been offended just like any other family.
For those who find themselves in a situation similar to mine, try not to jump the gun when it comes to telling your adoptive family about your search results. It takes careful examination of each family member, and how they tend to react in certain situations. You’ll need to determine the best method to inform them, and that will be complicated. There’s no need to lie, but it might make sense to hold back on providing every last bit of information all at once.
- Andrew
