The Story:
After my adoptive family learned that part of my biological family had been located, my uncle ended up calling me, again. He had more details about my biological mother’s side of the family. I learned that my biological sister’s name was Amy, and that she was living down South with her son. He also mentioned that I had a bit more family lining the East coast. As for those family members still living overseas, he didn’t have any more news.
Henry also informed me of my biological aunt’s desire to decide on a time and place to finally meet! The decision took a little time to make, but we were able to come to an agreement. Henry was adamant that he be present during the meeting. We chose a location that more or less fell in between Saint Louis and Columbia. This next step couldn’t have come soon enough!
I relayed the news from Henry to my adoptive parents and siblings. My adoptive sister made it clear that she was very concerned about my plans to meet my aunt Maggie. She was worried that I would be hurt, somehow. In an e-mail she wrote, “I am very nervous, wish I could go with you. I expect a phone call the minute you leave that luncheon and we will have to put you on speaker so you can share with us what is going on. I will probably need a drink (as will you). I will be happy if you are happy. I just wish I could be there for you. You are just too cool for school, I wish I could be as calm as you.”
My adoptive sister, Juli, had a good reason to be concerned for my well-being. I was her baby brother. She had always tried to protect me from danger. It seemed as though all of my childhood photos had two things in common. The first was me, and the second was Juli standing right behind me making sure that I was safe.
The Emotions:
I was nervous to meet Maggie. All of the recent events had taken place so quickly that my head was spinning. I never thought it would have been so easy to find a biological family member. Weren’t those things supposed to take years before anyone got to meet? Not in my case!
It was terrific to get more news about my biological sister, Amy. I wanted so badly to know her age and what she looked like. Did we have any personality traits in common? How old was she? How old was her son? So many questions ran through my mind!
My anxiety increased over Juli’s reaction to the news. In my opinion, she didn’t have anything to worry about, but I knew that she was simply concerned for my well-being. I did my best to calm her nerves, but I think she just needed time.
The Advice:
For those adoptees who might end up meeting their biological families, expect the unexpected. Be prepared to go back and forth when deciding on a time and place. Make sure that you’re willing to compromise.
Be certain to voice your concerns about who you meet. Walking into a room filled with strangers may not be the best idea. Perhaps, limiting the family members to one or two would be better. You don’t have to meet everyone all at once. Give yourself time to ease into their lives.
- Andrew
