The Story:
Well, one Sunday a couple of weeks after I mailed my dad the adoption registry form, I received a call from my uncle Henry. To provide you with some background on my Uncle Henry, he is the husband of my adoptive mother’s sister. What’s more interesting is that he acted as the middleman during my private adoption (although, there was an attorney in Columbia, MO working on the case).
Since I didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID, I ignored the call altogether. My logic was that it was probably a stranger dialing the wrong number. I get those types of calls quite often. Shortly thereafter, a voice mail alert popped up on my phone. I listened to the message, and quickly realized who had previously tried to call. Since it was a bit too late to call back, I decided to return Henry’s call the following day.
Monday finally came, and that afternoon I headed out to my car during lunch. I dialed my uncle’s phone number. The ringer rang and rang, but someone finally answered. On the other end was the voice of my uncle. Even though he and my aunt were still living in Saint Louis, it had been a few years since the last time we had all spoken. Henry began the conversation by explaining that he had spoken to my dad a few days prior. He said that my father had informed him that I had begun the initial search for information on my biological family. According to my adoptive dad, this is basically what transpired during their phone conversation:
“Andrew had been discussing with me his desire to find medical history information. I knew, because that sort of information would be hard to find in public records, that Andrew's best source would come from members of his biological family. I had no contact information because the adoption process had been handled by third parties, and I had no contact with the family. I did, however, know that Andrew's adoptive uncle did have contact information, or at least had a way to get that information.”
“I explained to Andrew's uncle the objective of the search, and he immediately agreed to attempt to make contact to see whether the family would be willing to share information. Frankly, I held out little hope that, after so many years had passed, that Andrew's uncle would meet with success. Clearly, I underestimated his resourcefulness. A couple of weeks later, he called to report that the family would be willing to meet with Andrew and provide at least some background information. I passed this onto Andrew, and he took it from there.”
Henry explained to me that he, after hearing from my dad, had begun his own search on my behalf. He wasn’t able to provide me with any details, but at the time I don’t think he really had much information to present. The conversation came to an end shortly thereafter, and I decided to sit in the parking lot and contemplate what had just transpired.
The Emotions:
More than anything, I felt very confused after that initial phone call. It was kind of like a cloud had engulfed my thoughts. I couldn’t think clearly about the situation, and that forced me to put my emotions aside. I figured that it would make more sense to worry about what my uncle might find when he actually found something. I did, however, feel very lucky that my uncle was so enthusiastic about aiding in my search.
I also felt very relieved that I had my uncles’ help and support. Honestly, up till that point, I hadn’t even really considered what my plan-of-attack would be once the state received my adoption registry application. I suppose that I would have just waited around until I received word from a biological family member. Obviously, that plan was lacking, but I wasn’t a private investigator. All of those thoughts racing through my mind were simply exhausting.
The Advice:
I had no well-thought plan when I decided to begin my search. I just figured that taking the first small step would eventually lead into the next. There doesn’t seem to be a perfect time to begin searching. All an adoptee really needs is a desire to understand his true origins. Adoptees ought to begin a search when they feel the most comfortable. I wasn’t getting any younger, and neither were my biological family members. I knew that waiting too long would probably come back to bite me in my ass.
The primary piece of advice to take away from this portion of my story is this - Take the first step however large or small it might seem. Being proactive is the key. Sure, an adoptee can sit around and wait for something to happen. But what if that never occurs? For adoptees, when/if you receive that initial phone call please don’t fret. It will be the first step towards your biological enlightenment!
- Andrew
