Following Nancy’s two shocking stories, we finally arrived in Warrenton, Missouri. Our primary destination was the nearly vacant outlet mall right next to the highway. We pulled into the vast parking lot around noon, parked, and began the waiting game.
Henry was getting quite hungry, and he’s a man of little patience. He quizzed Nancy as to the location of his cell phone. Once he managed to find it, he searched for Maggie’s number and hit ”send.” Maggie didn’t answer that first call. So, Henry tried a few more times, but to no avail. Eventually, Maggie finally responded. She was a little turned around, and didn’t seem quite sure how to navigate over to the outlet mall. Well, by this point, Henry was very hungry, and there was no time to waste. He barked the updated meeting location to Maggie, and he snapped his cell phone shut.
We drove back over the highway, and pulled up to Applebee’s. You know Applebee’s, right? It’s the Neighborhood Bar & GrillTM. Anyway, Henry parked the mini-van, and we all looked around in search of Maggie. None of us had any clue as to what she looked like, but that didn’t stop us from trying. As I stepped out, I caught a glimpse of a woman walking towards the van.
She was walking up the sidewalk. I noticed her height, her hair color, her clothing, and her smile. She stopped in front of the mini-van. The first words out of my mouth were “you must be Maggie?” Indeed it was. We greeted one another in a very calm manner. There was no screaming “hallelujah,” or jumping up and down. Simply put, a weight had been lifted.
I had waited fifteen years for this moment. I suppose it was slightly anti-climactic, but that’s just how it happened. We walked into the restaurant and waited for a table. Maggie and I chatted while we waited to be seated. The next two hours would be very enlightening.
The Emotions:
I was still a bit upset about Nancy’s stories. Luckily, there ended up being plenty of time to push those feeling aside while waiting for Maggie to arrive. Overall, I felt pretty calm. Sure, I had no idea what would transpire when I finally met Maggie, but I couldn’t be concerned with the “what ifs.” I had finally gotten to a place where I was prepared to suck it up if the meeting went sour.
I recall staring aimlessly at the highway from inside the van. I kept asking myself “shouldn’t I be nervous?” Shouldn’t I have been freaking the f@#$ out? Luckily, there was no freaking out involved.
When Maggie and I finally met in front of the restaurant, there didn’t seem to be any awkwardness. I felt quite comfortable in her presence. However, I didn’t necessarily feel that “connection.” I suppose I did on some level, but the feeling certainly wasn’t intense. I’m not sure what I had truly expected.
The Advice:
In general, it’s easy for me to stay calm, even when I’m under stress. With that said, it’s also easy for me to advise adoptees to do their best not to get over-anxious while waiting to meet a biological family member for the first time. Although, the reality is that a person will react in their typical manner. Feel free to freak out, but you certainly won’t be helping yourself.
Remember, there are usually three groups involved in such meetings, the adoptee, adopters, and the biological family. Each side has its own set of unique concerns. It would be wise to always consider this fact when meeting a new biological family member. Empathy is the key.
- Andrew
