The Story:
Following my e-mail conversation with Amy, I flew down to Tampa for the upcoming holiday. My stepmother, Jean, and adoptive father, Art, had moved to Florida after their pseudo-retirement. That vacation was a much-needed break, and it provided me with an opportunity to sit down and talk to my parents about everything that had been happening. They were very interested in learning about Maggie and Amy, and it was obvious that I had their full support.
The day before Thanksgiving, Amy called me on my cell phone. I had been sitting out at the pool soaking in the sun when the call came through. I grabbed the phone, walked inside to the guest bedroom, and answered.
The connection was a bit off at first. There was a moment of awkwardness as Amy and I both tried to greet each other through the static. She spoke over me, and then I spoke over her. It was the most perfect beginning to our first phone conversation. Go figure, right?
At first, we both brought up the typical conversation starters. We spoke about the weather over on Amy’s side of the state, and she asked me how the weather was in Saint Louis. It had been crap, of course. We talked about her son, and how he had taken the news when he learned that he had gained a new uncle. We progressed to the subject of where my parents lived and their proximity to the city in which Amy lived. We even talked about when we could possibly meet. Unfortunately, that Thanksgiving week didn’t look like it would work.
Eventually, we got to the subject of Amy’s reaction to my existence. When Maggie had told her about me weeks earlier, she fell against a wall and collapsed to the floor. Obviously, she had not been prepared to learn that she had a brother. She was ecstatic, of course, but she felt angry toward the family for keeping it from her for so long.
Following our phone conversation, Amy texted me with a picture of herself. I followed suit. I spent some time studying her image; trying to figure out which facial features we shared. My parents seemed to think that we looked very similar, and I agreed. If there had ever been any doubt, it had become quite obvious that Amy and I were truly brother and sister.
The Emotions:
Hearing Amy’s voice for the first time ever was intense. My hands shook while we spoke. My heart was pounding, and my adrenal glands were pumping overtime. Since then, I’ve had some difficulties remembering exactly how I felt after our conversation. Although, I do recall that hearing her voice and speaking with her seemed quite surreal. Twenty-eight years had passed, and I had never spoken to her once. Then, all of a sudden, that changed.
Taking the integration of our lives one step at a time was very beneficial. I felt more at ease with communicating by e-mail first, and then by phone. My nervousness over eventually meeting Amy was high, but I would have been even more anxious had we not had previous contact.
Lastly, I feel obligated to point out that I haven’t shed any tears up to this point. That’s just the way I’ve been programmed. My mind and emotions had been consumed by all of the new information and experiences that I never even thought of crying. I’m sure the time will come when weeping will be my only emotional outlet. Until then, though, I’ll just keep on movin’ on.
The Advice:
Prepare yourself all you want for a phone call. Although, chances are that your plan will fly out the window once you hear your family members voice for the first time. I don’t recall having had much of a chance to prepare for Amy’s call. If I had then I obviously didn’t attempt to gather my thoughts prior to the call. Everyone is different, and you’ll just have to feel out the situation as it happens. More than likely, the conversation will be awkward at first. Assuredly, everyone will be nervous, and that fact will probably be quite obvious when you speak. Oh, and the call need not be long. I recall that my conversation with Amy was around fifteen minutes. It was short, but very sweet.
My last piece of advice is this; cherish the moment at which you talk to your biological family for the first time. After you hang up the phone you ought to write down everything you can remember about the conversation. Account for every sensory experience, and every topic. I wish I had done that. It’s painful to think back on my moment knowing that it’s a struggle to remember.
- Andrew
