The Story:
After the Thanksgiving holiday, Amy and I had many more opportunities to speak over the phone. I ended up scanning in some photos of myself as a child, and sent them off to her. I wanted her to have a better understanding of how I grew up.
December eventually came, and then Christmas. Once again, I boarded a plane and flew back down to Tampa to spend the holiday with part of my adoptive family. Prior to my departure, Amy and I made plans to meet that week. Her son was going to fly back to Missouri to spend Christmas with Maggie. He was flying out of the Orlando airport, Amy and I decided that we would meet halfway between there and Tampa.
On the day of our first meeting, I received another call from Amy. Apparently, there had been some issues with her son’s flight out of Orlando. He was not able to leave on schedule. So, Amy and I had to reschedule our visit for the following day.
The following afternoon, Amy’s son made it on his flight. I decided that Applebee’s would be an appropriate place to meet since it would be recognizable, and that was also where I had met Maggie. After pulling up to the restaurant later that evening, I sat in the car for a minute gathering my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked inside.
I stepped up to the hostess just as I noticed a girl walking over from the bar. She was talking on a cell phone. I had a strange feeling that I knew her. It was Amy, and she obviously recognized me, as well. We looked at one another dead in the eyes and smiled. Without hesitation, we hugged right there in the middle of the restaurant. That was the most subtly epic exchange I’ve ever had in my life.
Once we finally let go of each other, we found our way to a table. When the bartender came by, we each ordered a drink to help soothe our nerves. My entire body was shaking at that point. I simply could not control my adrenaline. We sat at the table and stared at each other.
If I recall correctly, we had a short chat about Amy’s son, and how their trip back to the airport had gone. After that, I decided to pull out the pile of childhood photos that I had brought along. Amy, in turn, pulled out a small photo album that she had put together. She handed it to me and explained that it was my Christmas present.
So, Amy began sifting through her pile of photos, and I began flipping through my album. We took turns explaining the people and events. I’d say that whole process took about an hour. It was difficult to concentrate with so much happening at once. I wanted to focus on Amy, but I also wanted to study the family photos.
The next part of our meeting was dedicated to telling the stories of our lives. I gave an exhaustive list of my family members, and my life with my adoptive and step-families. Amy explained some of the circumstances surrounding her birth and childhood. Her story gradually built up to our Mother’s death.
The murderer was the girlfriend of a male acquaintance. From what I understood, the girlfriend became paranoid about our mothers relationship with this man. Her suspicions were unfounded, but she ended up stabbing Geri to death anyway.
The story of our mother didn’t stop there. In life, Geri had been very kind, caring, and intelligent. However, she had some issues with depression, and the abuse of drugs and alcohol followed. Our mother’s lifestyle made life difficult for Amy. As a child, she had basically been forced into being her own mother, while acting as our mother’s caregiver.
That night, Amy provided me with many more pieces to the puzzle. All were important, but one of them stood out even more than the rest. It was the part about how our side of the family began. Apparently, our great-great grandfather was none other than the famous Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw. According to Amy, our great-great grandmother was one of Shaw’s employees. One thing led to another and our side of the family was born. Since the pair were never married (Shaw already had a wife), he is technically my great-great illegitimate grandfather.
Amy also touched on the subject of our grandparent’s. The conversation dealt with the circumstances surrounding their deaths. Michael died from congestive heart failure, and Amy had been the one who found him on the floor with a bottle of his nitroglycerin pills nearby. Monica ultimately died from colon cancer which had spread to her liver. Amy explained that she continued working even while she was dying.
We got on the subject of places we had worked and lived. At one point, I was living in an apartment complex on the West side of town. There was a sister property across the street from my residential building. It came to light that Amy had been working in the office of that sister property at the very same time I was living across the street. We could possibly have seen each other without even knowing.
When all was said and done, we had spent nearly four hours at the restaurant. By that point, the bartender seemed aware that something out of the ordinary had been taking place. I mean, how often do two people just sit at an Applebee’s for that length of time? Amy needed to start her trek back home. So, we finished up and headed outside.
We must have spent ten or twenty more minutes out in the parking lot. We’d say goodbye, hug, walk away, and then turn right back around and start talking again. It was obvious that neither of us wanted to part ways. Eventually, though, we forced ourselves into our cars and left.
It only took me about forty minutes to get back to my parent’s house. While I drove, I called my sister Juli. I had promised her that I would give her the low down ASAP. Once I arrived back at my parent’s place, we sat down in the living room and chatted. I explained as much as I could remember, and then I gave them the photo album from Amy. I did my best to remember all of the people in the photos. I must say, for all of the excitement that took place at the restaurant, I was able to remember quite a bit in those moments.
The Emotions:
On the original date of my first meeting with Amy, I was slightly anxious. Not that anyone would have known. More often than not, I’m able to keep a pretty calm demeanor, but when Amy called me to say that she would not be able to meet that day I became very concerned.
I had no reason to doubt that there had been an issue with her son’s flight. The problem was my highly imaginative mind. My thoughts began to run rampant with every single what-if. What if she had decided that she didn’t need a brother, after all? What if she had just momentarily gotten spooked? What if I had just calmed the hell down, and looked at the situation logically? It took some time, but I was finally able to calm my over-thinking.
I felt much better about the whole situation when Amy called the next day to let me know that everything was still on schedule. Although, the drive out to meet her turned into a chaotic stew of irrational thoughts and logic. I suppose it was a good thing that I had already started losing my hair. I certainly wasn’t doing my hairline any favors by causing myself so much stress.
Once I saw Amy for the first time, my stress level hit the roof. My entire body was shaking. I was worried that when I went to pick up my drink that I would end up splashing it around uncontrollably. It took the first few hours of our meeting before my adrenaline finally slowed.
During that time, though, I was simply in awe of Amy. Of course, I still felt quite nervous, but somehow I also felt quite comfortable. I couldn’t believe how similar we were to each other. I guess that all goes back to having a biological connection. We had spent twenty-eight years apart, but it as if we had never missed a day.
As for how I felt after hearing all of her stories, I had a mix of emotions. Hearing about our mother made me feel lost and heartbroken. Learning more about our grandparents made me feel glum but stronger. The part about our family origins simply made me laugh. I mean, George Bernard Shaw, seriously?! When it came to how close in proximity Amy and I had been in Columbia, I was in utter shock. It drove me nuts to think that she had been so close.
I suppose the mix of emotions had one thing in common; they all caused me to feel more confused. Even though I had found Amy, and the rest of my living biological family, there was still something missing: my biological mother. I feared that I would never feel completely whole. I was also worried that I wouldn’t be able to bring all sides of my family together, and that made me feel helpless.
The Advice:
All I can say is that feeling every possible emotion in a situation like this is pretty typical. I don’t think anything more could have been expected. You’ll be confused and exhausted, but it’ll be worth the stress. Learning about your family is powerful, and you ought to take full advantage.
- Andrew
