Adopting Andrew is on hiatus

As of today, I'll be taking a break from writing this blog. The length of this hiatus has yet to be determined. Of course, I'll be posting any neccessary updates related to the reinstatement of Adopting Andrew.

My reasons for taking this hiatus are not based on life and death issues. Simply, I am running out of valuable topics, and I refuse to write useless filler posts. Various other reasons exist; like my need to focus on my career and other personal projects.

I apologize to those family members and friends who have been enjoying my posts. I apologize to those strangers who have been enjoying this blog, as well. I'm sure you can all understand and appreciate my decision. I certainly appreciate everyone's interest in my very personal journey. 

Please, don't hesitate to contact me if you'd like to rant, toss around ideas, or just chat.

- Andrew

Personalities: genetic dispositions or learned traits?

The Story:

In a world were scientific findings seems to teeter back and forth on what is the accepted standard, I find myself pondering the origins of my personality. Some evidence seems to indicate that these traits are passed genetically from one generation to the next while other research shows that personalities are learned. So, I struggle to understand who or what has made me the way I am.

After finding my biological family last year, I’ve attempted to determine which of my traits are genetic and which have been learned. Are they all learned, or are they all genetic? My current theory is that my personality is simply a mish-mash of both. Although, I have no definitive answers, as of yet. Below are a couple of examples to help clarify my argument.

Growing up, I had always considered my ability to excel at reading, writing (syntax and diction), and my vocabulary to have been passed on to me by my adoptive father. He has always been a very well spoken and well-written person. Subsequently, I assumed that his skills must have rubbed off.

Well, that’s what I had thought until I came across some stories related to my birth mother. As multiple sources have confirmed, she was quite the grammar-queen. I try not to indulge in too much grammar and spelling correction of my peers. On occasion, though, I find myself doing just that. I know enough to speak American-English well, but I am by no means an expert. Perhaps these traits were both genetic and learned, but there’s another example to discuss.

Why do I view money as something that’s meant to be earned and burned rather than something to be made and saved? My adoptive parents seem to be great with money. Even my siblings seem to stay out of too much financial trouble. Why is it then that I always used to find myself on the path of hell-bent spending? As a youth, my adoptive father made me work for my money before I was old enough to get a real job. Is there a protein somewhere in my genetic make-up that has predisposed me to my current behavior? That question I cannot answer due to my lack of knowledge regarding my biological family’s financial habits.

My list of examples pertaining to this subject could probably fill-up a phone directory, but I believe that my point has been made. Despite the scientific arguments that personalities are either genetically linked or learned, I still have no definitive answers for myself. Undoubtedly, I will spend many more occasions pondering the origins of my personality. Personalities are tricky like that.  

The Emotions:

To state my feelings plainly, I have no emotional preference as to where my personality traits originated. I’ve accepted myself, but I’m still curious. I simply find it entertaining to try and figure out why I act one way or another. Sides don’t need to be chosen, and feelings need not be hurt. I’m proud to be the way I am no matter which part of my family it comes from.

The Advice:

I suppose that if you were adopted then you’ll have some of the same concerns regarding your behavioral patterns. To be clear, there’s not a damn thing wrong with such questions. Some family members may take offense, but those are issues that can probably be solved through open discussions. If you’re not content with who you’ve become then you’re probably attempting to be someone you’re not, and I have no doubt that your family only cares about who you truly are.

- Andrew

Regrettably, it was a lost opportunity

The Story:

In a previous post, I wrote about having come across numerous newspaper articles related to the murder of my biological mother. I was apprehensive to read them right away because the thought of reading the details was too depressing. Recently, I decided to read those articles, in full.

Via the Columbia Tribune’s archives, I managed to source some twenty articles. Nine of which were specifically about the murder. Two of those nine were the obituaries that ran in the same newspaper. However, I can’t be certain that I found all of the articles written on that subject. The articles are not all that lengthy. Not surprisingly, some even contained factual inconsistencies.

The murder took place one evening at my mother’s residence. She, along with some friends, had been partying. Not all of the guests were good friends, though. One in particular, Robert Wayne Lawson, was an abusive ex-boyfriend of my mother’s. At the time, Lawson was romantically involved with a woman named Marna Weber. According to one article (LINK), Lawson continued to show interest in rekindling a relationship with my mother. Although, it doesn’t seem the interest was mutual.

During the party, Marna Weber visited the house, uninvited. None of the partygoers inside the home reacted to her knocking on the front door. Consequently, Weber left, but returned a short time later. On her second visit, she was allowed inside the residence. After an undisclosed period of time, Weber left the party, but she would eventually come back, again. After arriving for the last time, she decided to make her move. That’s when she executed her plan to stab my mother to death. She was 38 years old on the day of her murder.

The articles contained little detail as to what transpired after the crime. One of the few facts available was that Lawson hid the murder weapon. For his part in the crime, Lawson was sentenced to ten years for evidence tampering. According to the police, he had a long criminal record, which aided in the passing down of that maximum sentence.

Marna Weber was sentenced to life in prison plus 30 years for first-degree murder. Had she not made a plea deal, she would have faced the death penalty. According to court reports, as she was being escorted out of the courtroom, Weber mumbled an apology to my family members. The apology wasn’t well accepted, and Weber became annoyed. As she walked by my aunt she was quoted as saying “I could slit your throat, too.”

The Emotions:

Empathy is what I feel when I think about my biological mother’s murder. I feel empathetic towards my sister Amy, my aunts and uncle, my grandparents, my cousins, my great aunts and uncle, and so on down the line. Whilst I cannot understand exactly how they felt, I certainly understand the feeling brought on by loss. 

However, learning of her murder has not caused me insurmountable grief. I was only affected by a modicum of grief. I never had the opportunity to know my mother, and so I lack the personal connection required to truly feel that pain. 

Disappointment is the primary emotion that I feel while pondering that crime. I feel that she and I could have benefited greatly by having a relationship. Alas, that chance will never again be had, and I’m stuck with a feeling of helplessness. There is nothing that can be done.

As for Weber and Lawson, I feel very little. They certainly deserved what they got, but I’m of the belief that justice ought to come in the form of an eye for an eye. Although, I suppose a life sentence really is meant as a death sentence.

Mostly, I’m just curious. I feel the need to visit Marna Weber in prison. This desire might very well be excessive, but it might help me to have a closer connection to the incident, and thus to my biological mother. What might I say or ask? Probably something along the lines of:

So, how awkward is this, huh? You’re on that side of the glass, and I’m on this side. And what about these phones? I mean, I bet everyone and their mother has been breathin’ and coughin’ all over ‘em. Speaking of mothers, did I mention that you stole my chance of ever knowing mine?

That last part was written jokingly, of course. I haven’t the faintest idea as to what I might say or ask, and I haven’t determined the benefits of such a strange encounter. So, that’s why I have yet to make a decision.

The Advice:

Looking back, the question must be asked. Did I wait too long to begin the search for my biological family? Perhaps, but there’s no going back now. I can’t go back to when my biological mother was still living. If I could have, and did, would that act have changed the course of events? Again, the answer is a resounding “perhaps.”

Perhaps my timing could have been better. Perhaps I could have met my mother. Perhaps you ought to heed my advice at this point; waiting isn’t the issue, but wanting is. I didn’t want to find my biological family badly enough to begin my search sooner. Consequently, I lost out on a relationship that will never present itself, again.

I don’t recall there being a book titled “The Best Time To Search For Your Biological Family Because You Never Know Who Might Die.” Trust me, I Googled it. For those adoptees that have yet to begin their search, there’s no benefit to second-guessing your timing. You will undoubtedly begin your search when you want it badly enough.

- Andrew

Monica's memoir

The Story:

It was brought to my attention a few months ago that my biological grandmother, along with her six siblings, had written their memoirs some years back. As I recall, my sister Amy told me that during our first meeting down in Florida. She had helped our grandmother edit and revise the document, as well. Apparently, they all wanted to document the family history so that future generations could appreciate the family’s origins.

Recently, one of my great aunts, Maureen, asked if I would be interested in having a copy of my grandmother’s memoir. I jumped at the chance! I wanted to know as much as possible about my biological heritage. Subsequently, my great aunt Joan mailed me a copy of the document a short time later.

Upon receiving Joan’s package, I began sifting through its contents. There was a hand written letter from Joan, a copy of each sibling’s tribute to my grandmother’s life, and the 50-page memoir. I read Joan’s letter immediately. Her words to me were very kind and comforting. Until recently, though, I had chosen not to read the memoir.

Her story read like a movie. It was absolutely incredible. The story’s timeline begins with her birth in Dublin, Ireland, and ends during her teenage years around London, post WWII. She, along with her siblings, didn’t have it easy during that time while living in England. Her life throughout that period seemed to have set the stage for how she would be as an adult. She helped to care for six kids and her parents, at times. Not to mention that she survived multiple near death experiences as a youngster.

Ultimately, my grandmother’s story is a crucial part of my family history. Perhaps, her story is only important to those of us in her family, but her life speaks of a very different time of which we younger generations have little knowledge.

The Emotions:

I’m so thankful that my grandmother had enough appreciation of our family history to write her story. I wonder how long it would have taken me to learn all of the same information had she not taken the time to write? I’ve realized how special it is to have access to such a document. Especially, since she is no longer alive.

I’m excited to hopefully read the memoirs of my great aunts and uncle, as well. I harbor some disappointment, though, since I know very little about the history of my adoptive and step families. I suppose it’s primarily my fault. I don’t think that I’ve asked. However, there are very few memories of anyone else in my family asking either. I suppose I have a lot of work ahead in learning about each line of my family history.

A side note, I feel very uncomfortable divulging the juicy details of my grandmother’s memoir. Placing them on the web for all to read seems inappropriate. However, I will be more than happy to make them public knowledge once a movie director has paid my great aunts a huge sum of money for the rights!  Until then, though, I don’t feel that it’s my place to disclose such personal information.

The Advice:

This time it’s short and sweet. One thing that I’ve learned is that my family history is critical to my understanding of how I got here. I’m quite certain that I will attempt to further document my life and family history at some point in the future. I think everyone ought to do the same. The process will certainly be time consuming, but the final product will be a story rich with experience and wisdom. The future generations of our families need to know these touching tales.

- Andrew

George Bernard Shaw

The Story:

In a previous post, Meeting Amy, I noted that my great great-grandfather (illegitimate) was the famous Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw. I feel that it’s now time for me to explore those roots in some detail. Considering that I only learned of that fact a few months ago, I’m still learning about his life and how my biological family has been affected by the historical significance.

Rather than writing an article by regurgitating cited facts about his life, I’d prefer to provide some facts while focusing on his historical significance to my biological family. G.B.S. was born in Dublin, Ireland on July 26, 1856 and died on November 2, 1950. He is most notably known to the world as being a playwright, critic, and political activist. In 1925, he was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature, an Oscar in 1938, and an Academy Award for Best Writing for his screenplay Pygmalion in 1938.

            Now that I have some of the facts out of the way, it’s time to find out Shaw’s connection to my family. Based on what I currently know, my great great-grandmother, Margaret, had a very unique relationship with G.B.S. One thing led to another, and she learned that she was pregnant. According to my grandmother’s memoir, Margaret was thrown out of her home because she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, which is a true testament to those times.

As far as the story goes, that’s all I really know for now. However, there’s a paragraph at the very end of my grandmother’s memoir that might shed some more light on the subject.

Gran’s mother’s maiden name was Shaw. When Bernard Shaw died, Gran picked up the newspaper and saw his picture and said “that’s Bernie.” Margaret Kelly (Monica’s childhood friend) was with me at the time.

Whatever the real connection was between Gran and Bernard Shaw, I’m not sure…I’ve always felt there was a more personal relationship.

I hope that I’m not the only one slightly confused here. Anyway, I believe the bigger picture looks like this: G.B.S. and my great great-grandmother were not married, but decided to get a little frisky. That’s how my great grandmother, Essie, came to be. Luckily, I enlisted the help of one of my great aunts, Maureen, to help make some sense from all of this. If I mixed up the story, I must apologize. All I can say is that family trees are quite complex.

The Emotions:

When I learned of my biological family’s connection to George Bernard Shaw, I had mixed emotions. Initially, I recognized his name, but I had no recollection of his historical significance. Once I began researching his background, I realized what all of the fuss was about. His historical claim to fame filled me with some pride, but I found it sad that our family’s connection was more than likely based on an extramarital affair.

However, I feel no significant connection to the man, myself. The entire situation seems quite distant from my life in the U.S. While I think it’s wonderful that my family’s history touts such a historical celebrity, I find it hard to feel any direct personal connection with him.

The Advice:

For all adoptees, I believe that it’s our task, and right, to learn as much as we can about our biological origins and histories. Of course, I had no idea that I would learn of my genetic connection to a Nobel Price-winning writer, but now I’m informed. Does it matter whether the stories you hear or the facts you learn are of epic proportions? Hell-to-the-no. I’m satisfied with just knowing that my biological family has been through a lot, and that I come from a strong stock.

Please, don’t allow your history to disappear along with your relatives. It may very well end up being the task of a lifetime when trying to navigate your biological history, but it’s rare when hard work doesn’t payoff. I don’t think I’ve even scratched the surface of my family’s history, and it truly seems like a daunting task to figure it all out. Luckily, I began my search early enough so that I might actually have a real chance of truly understanding where I came from.

- Andrew

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust

THE STORY:

During one of many phone conversations with my sister Amy, we got on the subject of our mother’s ashes. We had not spoken much about our mother’s funeral, or what had been done with her remains. I assumed that she had been buried, but I learned that Amy was the guardian her ashes.

By the end of that conversation, she had made me a very interesting offer. It was not the type that you get at a mall, or from a car dealership. This offer was more melancholy, and by no means financially advantageous.

Her proposal was quite simple. She wanted me to have half of our mother’s ashes. She felt that it was “only fair.” I reacted with a sheepish chuckle because the offer was so unexpected. How could I turn her down, though? Well, I couldn’t, and so I happily accepted.

THE EMOTIONS:

Not that it needs to be written, but I’ve never been a big fan of death. I have always found the associated pain, regret, helplessness, and depression to be uncomfortable topics. I’ve been to my share of funerals for both the too young and the not quite old enough, and they never get easier to stomach.

Even though I wasn’t able to meet my biological mother, I was given the opportunity to have a part of her physical self. However “morbid” (her word, not mine) the offer may seem, it was necessary and appreciated. How could it not have been? She was offering me the cremated remains of our murdered mother! As unexpected as her offer had been, it was the most considerate thing she could have done. I felt like I deserved to have part of our mother’s remains, and it was obvious that Amy felt the same.

However depressing it was to consider my mother’s murder, I felt that there was at least one positive aspect; I had found my biological family before too many other members had succumbed to death. I can only imagine how much more painful it would have been had I wasted anymore time.

Our conversation did force me to question my own mortality, once again. I don’t really know whether I’d prefer to be buried, or cremated. Cremation is the economical option, but burial is so much more traditional. Plus, there’s the issue of determining where to be buried. My connection to the Midwest is very strong, but I’ve never lived so far away from this area that I ever yearned to come back. I’ve never truly missed this place. So, I don’t feel obligated to rest here.

THE ADVICE:

Dealing with a parental death is a big deal. Especially if you were adopted, and you never had the opportunity to meet said parent. I have complete empathy. If you find yourself in a position similar to mine then my best advice is this; find satisfaction in the family that is still living. Those are the people who can help you feel closer to the departed.

I could whine about my biological mother’s death, but what could I possibly expect to accomplish? Sure, it’s somewhat of a crappy deal, but her murder shouldn’t negate all of the positives to come from my search. Even with the death of my mother, I still have tons of family, and I’m quite satisfied with that. They have managed to provide me with details of my mother’s character and personality. So, now I know her better than ever.

If you’re offered the chance to visit your deceased parent’s grave or receive their remains, then you ought to accept. I have no idea what I will do with my biological mother’s ashes, but at least I’ll have them.  At least I’ll be able to have her closer to my life no matter how morbid that might seem.

 - Andrew

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

The Story:

Recently, a columnist with the St. Louis Post Dispatch published an article about the search for my biological family. The story, smack-dab on the front page of the newspaper’s Community section, was primarily about my search and how he and I came to meet one another. Interestingly, his article came at a time when the Illinois legislature passed a new law requiring “the state to provide basic medical information and an accurate birth certificate to adoptees…” (clarification: the photo next to the article headline in the image to the left is of the columnist, Tony Messenger)

That’s how my search began. I needed to know about my biological family’s health background. Unfortunately, the state of Missouri still requires a court order to open those records. Luckily, I didn’t end up having to take that route. Instead, my adoptive uncle was able to track down my biological aunt via his family connections.  

When I woke up the Sunday that the article was published, I decided to read the web-based version first. Afterward, I ventured out to the local market and purchased five hard copies of the newspaper. I stood at the publication racks and flipped through the massive paper searching for the community section. I yanked it out, and got my first glimpse of the article on the front page.

When I arrived home from the store, I proceeded to package and mail copies of the article to some of my family members. Throughout that day, I received a few phone calls and text messages. All were very congratulatory!

Here’s a link to the article at www.stltoday.com.

The Emotions:

There’s no doubt that I felt quite accomplished when I read Tony’s column. My story had finally achieved some more recognition. My attempts to get the article published were not all for selfless reasons. Indeed, I wanted my blog to receive more local exposure. This, in turn, would hopefully provide me with a larger list of subscribers. I certainly wanted the conversation about child adoption to spread, and I knew that breaking that barrier would help others.

The selfish reasons weren’t sinister, though. I simply wanted my story, and the stories of my family, to be heard by a larger audience. I felt that the stories were historically interesting and emotionally charged. I have no interest in splashing my family’s secrets all over the web and other media. I just knew that people would eat that stuff up like an orphaned child at dinnertime.

My overall satisfaction came from knowing that all of that had happened because I made the effort. I wanted more exposure for my story and the institution of child adoption, and I helped make it happen. My goal was accomplished, and now I’m moving onto the next. Will my family’s story make it onto the NYT’s Bestseller list, or will someone write a screenplay? I suppose there might be a chance if I continue to spark the conversation.

Besides all of that, reading a news article about oneself is certainly strange. I was anxious to see how I was quoted, and whether the story was presented accurately. Overall, I was very satisfied with Tony’s column, and I’ve let him know.

The Advice:

Once again, my advice focuses on making more people aware of child adoption. I have found that the best way to do that is to talk about something I know. Well, I certainly know about my own personal experiences with adoption, and I can’t think of a better source for material.

Like I stated previously, I’ve been writing about my adoption for different reasons. The point is that anyone with the interest in telling their story can help to spark more conversation on the subject. It has been a strange trip for me, but I’m taking it all in day by day.

If you don’t like the idea of placing details of your family’s history on the web, then don’t. I’m always worrying about that, but I’ve done my best to write detailed accounts while limiting the amount of embarrassing or inappropriate material. So, I would suggest everyone else do the same with their stories. Either way, telling your story should be an enlightening and valuable experience.

So, do you think it’s wise to write about your personal situations on the web where all can see? Is it more reasonable if those personal stories are meant to help and inform others? If you have any thoughts, please feel free to leave a comment.

- Andrew

Starting the conversation

The Story:

Shortly after my first email conversation with the Post Dispatch columnist, Tony Messenger, I started developing this blog. As with any online blogging endeavor, I began brainstorming article topics, and searching for the right blog layout. Upon finding what I wanted, I customized everything to my liking. Then, taking the article topics that I had stockpiled, I began writing out the posts. By the time I was ready to launch this blog, there were ten articles written and ready to go.

Once I launched, it was time to begin marketing the site. I informed friends and family, as well as advertising via social media. Tony even received a message about the blog’s debut. At that point, he decided it was time to schedule an interview for his column.

After the interview concluded, Tony sent an email in which he informed me that he had adopted his two eldest sons some years before. Apparently, he had intended to mention that during our phone interview. One of his sons in particular, Bradley, did end up meeting his biological father. Tony even pointed me to one of his past articles in which he divulges his experiences as an adoptive father, and the emotional issues involved in such an endeavor. He provided me with all of that information. Yet, I never even had to ask.

Here’s a link to his article.

The Emotions:

I commended Tony for his courage to adopt. He had made a very powerful decision; one that not everyone can make. The thing is, I never even had to ask him if he had any personal experience with adoption. He simply let the facts loose. That is a phenomenon which has been taking place quite frequently, of late, and it makes me feel proud each and every time it occurs.

The Advice:

Tony’s story is a great example of how the conversation about adoption can be started. Since I began the search for my biological family, numerous friends, even strangers, have felt obliged to tell me of their experiences with child adoption. They had never mentioned anything before, but they felt comfortable bringing their stories to me because I had started the “conversation” with them by being vocal about my own adoption.

Don’t be afraid to speak of your adoption, or of someone else’s. That’s my primary piece of advice this week. The more people you talk with the more comfortable others will become. In the U.S., talking about the institution of child adoption is still relatively taboo. Some parents don’t want to let on about their youthful indiscretions. While some adopted children seem to think that they are outsiders. Whatever the reason, keeping your story to yourself will only serve to distance you more from those with whom you desire to connect.

- Andrew

What's in the news?

The Story:

A few months ago, I decided to begin searching for more information regarding the circumstances surrounding my biological mother’s murder. The most logical starting points were the local news outlets in the city where the murder took place. My adoptive father had completed a search of his own, and that’s really what got me started.

Eventually, I ended up in the online archives of the Columbia Tribune. My search took the good part of that morning, but I came away with a wealth of information. In all, I managed to locate twenty articles. Although, not all of those articles were specifically about my mother’s murder (I’ll write about the other articles in future posts). The remaining articles were about my biological grandmother and grandfather, my biological sister, and one of my biological aunts.

Initially, I did not complete a full read through of every article. I began skimming the first few about my mother’s murder. Unfortunately, I became quite uncomfortable reading the details of the crime. So, I saved the articles for further reading at a later date.

While skimming those articles, I noticed that the same journalist had written the majority of them. My inquisitiveness led me to contact him shortly thereafter. I wrote in the subject line of the email, “Seeking answers about my biological family.” Below are excerpts from my initial email:

My name is Andrew… I just recently set out to find my biological origins, and I was able to track my family back to Columbia. You may recall my biological mother, my aunt, and my grandmother. I have been searching the Tribune archives for articles relating to their lives, and I noticed that many of them were written by you.

I must apologize since I really don't know what I am ultimately seeking by contacting you. I suppose that I figured you might have some more insight into their lives… I now know that I have a sister, Amy. She and I had the chance over this past Christmas to meet for a few hours down in Florida… I would very much appreciate it if you could humor me with some more info that I may not find in any of the related news articles.

It took only a few hours before I received the journalist’s reply.

Andrew,

Wow. What a surprise. Haven't thought about the Hobans in years. Such an interesting family that I happened upon…

I really didn't know Geri hardly at all, other than what I found out at her funeral. Most of my time was in talking to Monica, and Margaret, a bit…

Your grandmother was a spitfire. Just full of energy despite life's struggles, and full of so much rich, detail about her unusual life...

How long has your search for information been going on?

Thanks for reaching out to me. Be glad to help if I can.

We sent a few more emails back and forth. I mentioned to him that I would be blogging about the search for my biological family. He seemed interested, and asked if I would like to be interviewed for his column. My answer was ‘yes,’ of course. That was the gist of our initial conversation, and it would be a little more than a month before he and I spoke again.

The Emotions:

The appreciation and love I have for my adoptive father has no end. He’s always helped me in my struggles. Had he not reminded me to search for those news articles, I may never have known about the vast wealth of information that had been published.

When I began skimming the first few articles written about my mother’s murder, I didn’t ever think that I would have felt so uncomfortable. I mean, the articles were just made up of words, right? Well, I found those words to be very disturbing. Since then, I haven’t even looked at the articles. I’m not really sure what I’m waiting for. It’s not as if the story or its outcome are going to change.

As for the journalist at the St. Louis Post Dispatch, I was elated that he had written so many thoughtful articles about my biological family. I had no idea how to begin my initial email to him, though. I felt slightly uncomfortable contacting him, but I really had nothing to lose. The satisfaction I felt from his curiosity about my story was immense. It’s not every day that strangers take an interest in my family’s life.

The Advice:

When it comes to data searches, I have found the web to be the most valuable tool (second to my uncle I suppose). Although, not all adoptees are created equal with regards to the information available to them. How many families can say that there were almost two dozen news articles written about them? I think I may have gotten lucky.

Had it not been for these articles, I would not have access to a third party’s perspective on my biological family. The seedy details may have gone unrealized. Heck, the positive details may have gone unrealized. My recommendation is that every adoptee makes an effort to search the web for answers. The search may take awhile, or it may be quick like mine. Perhaps the search won’t turn up anything, but then again it might turn up more than ever imagined. There’s no right or wrong answer here, people. If you don’t make the effort, though, you’ll always wonder what could still be out there waiting to be found. Don’t allow any regrets.

- Andrew

Using Social Media To Find Family

The Story:

Since connecting with my sister and second cousin via social media, I’ve been able to unite with a few more biological family members. I’ve had great uncles, aunts, great aunts, and cousins all find me by using these services. The majority of these new connections are made up of my family members that currently live throughout the U.K. and Ireland. The remaining few are those that are living here in the U.S.

Initially, my sister Amy and cousin Jim spread the word, and that’s how it all began. Everyone who got a hold of me was very welcoming, and they all seemed quite enthused by the news of my existence. I have only begun to scratch the surface with regards to uniting with my biological family.

I’m not just connected to my biological family, though. My adoptive sisters and brother are all using social media, as well. I get to see my nephews and niece grow up even when I can’t be there in person. At some point, I’d like to be able to connect with every family member possible. That will help me to better connect my adoptive family to my biological family.

Since I can’t always call everyone just to explain all of those little mundane things going on in my life, connecting with them through social media allows me to easily provide all necessary updates. Plus, my biological family and I have missed out on twenty-eight years worth of life. So, social media provides us all with the ability to play catch-up.

The Emotions:

Currently, I’m connected to fourteen biological family members via social media. All have provided me with valuable insight into my familial origins. The opportunity to connect with so many of them in such a short period of time has been quite fulfilling. I can’t get over the fact that everyone has been so welcoming. It seems that we all have very happy-go-lucky personalities, and I’m confident that we will all get along swimmingly once we finally meet.

Social media has been a valuable tool by helping me connect with my large family. I feel indebted to the social media movement for providing me with such valuable resources. Being able to talk with my family in a real-time capacity has given me details about their lives that I wouldn’t have known without meeting them in person. I know that I’m blessed for having such opportunities.

Perhaps, one day, I’ll have a chance to go beyond social media and finally meet the remainder of my biological family. Preferably, I would be able to take along my adoptive family. The idea of bringing together both sides is quite exciting. I would love nothing more than to have a huge integrated family that spans multiple continents. One day, we might rule the entire world! 

The Advice:

Obviously, using social media to connect with my biological and adoptive families has been very useful. I would advise anyone who has already found their biological family, or those who are still searching, to use these sites to your advantage. Granted, I did not initially find my biological aunt via the web, but I imagine that a feat such as that could be accomplished with even a small amount of information. All it takes is one person who can then connect you to someone else, and so on. Social media sites are chalk full of their users’ personal information. Using your (legal) access to that information would be highly advantageous.

- Andrew